Is This Thing On?
by RhiDaBatch3
Summary: Tony was told from a young age that Stark men don't express their feelings. So what happens when he starts dating a super solider that wants him to do just that? Like everything else, Tony ruins it. Based off the P!nk song with the same name. Stony Superhusbands


Tony Stark had never been one to show emotions. Not that he didn't /want/ to or anything, but more like he didn't know how. Since he was little he had been told to keep things inside. The media wasn't to know how you felt or what you thought and they were everywhere. Boy's don't cry and Stark men don't feel things. That had been what his dad had told him the day seven year-old Tony had sobbed his eyes out because he'd pushed his father and ended up getting a slap across his face. Howard wasn't a physically abusive man per say, but he had a temper that Tony often got met with. So at an early age it was driven into the genius' head that emotions were not a thing he was to have and that if for whatever reason he did, (as if it was something to be ashamed of) he wasn't to speak of them.

He'd lived his life with that in mind. No emotions that dear old Howard Stark would be ashamed of. No, instead he masked them all with alcohol and a reputation that would have made his mother cry if she could see. The Stark tradition of "not feeling" lived on with him and at the rate he was going, it would also die with him. After all, how could he be in a real relationship with someone let alone get married if he didn't feel anything? It just couldn't work like that if one party loved and adored you while the other was deprived of feelings and didn't know how to show his love.

So then what had made him think this could work? What in the /hell/ had convinced Tony that he could love someone and make them happy? He was supposed to be a genius yet that was possibly the dumbest thing he'd ever done. No wait, scratch that. It was the dumbest thing he'd ever done.

The billionaire ran a hand through the thick raven hair as he leaned back on the hotel bed. Yes, hotel bed. The man had a home in nearly every content and a huge lavish tower not even an hour from here, but he couldn't be around it right now; couldn't be around /him/ right now. Tony couldn't face Steve and everything at his home was just going to remind him of his big dumb screw-up and he just needed to escape.

So what did he do? Like the true daddy's boy he was, he ran away to hide his feelings. A sad smile fell over his lips as he draped an arm over his tired eyes. That was exactly why everything had gone to hell and while he claimed to himself that he was hiding to "think of a way to fix things", he was really just hiding his feelings and emotions from Steve. The blonde had finally had enough of Tony. To Tony's slight amazement Steve's problem wasn't his drinking or recklessness or conceded nature or any other of Tony's bluntly obvious flaws. No, his problem had been that Tony locked everything up. He didn't let anyone in and he didn't ever tell Steve how he felt or what was on his mind.

His dark brown eyes looked up at the ceiling as he tucked his arm behind his head. Steve had told him he couldn't be with someone who really was a robot. He'd said it out of spite because Tony had snapped under the pressure of the argument and break-up and fired off some remark about Steve only doing this because "Captain America wasn't queer" or some bull shit. So he knew Steve didn't mean it. Hell, Steve had actually gotten onto Pepper once because she jokingly told Tony he ran on batteries.

But it… it had hurt. Reminded him of the headlines he'd read when he first admitted to being the man behind the suit. He'd ignored him like he'd been taught and just made it his own private personal goal to prove them all wrong and show that he was a better person now. He got a thrill out of showing them up and it was a game so the headlines never got to him. Steve however, Steve made the insult finally hit home and sink in. Stark /was/ a robot. He didn't have emotions. Least none that he let show. And what was he doing to help this? Once again running away and hiding himself and feelings from Steve and everyone else…

His next motions weren't really his own doing. Before he registered it, his body had rolled over to the side to reach over on the nightstand and grab his phone. Out of habit, he'd dialed the numbers to the private line leading to Rogers' bedroom and right as he was about to hit call, he paused. What the hell was he even going to do? A simple "I'm sorry" wasn't going to get Steve back no matter how much the Captain wanted to be with him. They both knew that and if he really wanted another chance to be with Steve, he was going to have to go against everything Papa Stark had brought him up believing in.

_Deep breathes, Stark. In and out… Honestly, you can do this. You just need to tell him how much he means to you. That's what he wants, right? To know how important he is in your life and how without him you are a broken mess who can't even find the strength to pour himself another drink._

…Why wasn't he telling Steve this? That was a damn good question and before his courage was lost again, he hit the call button and brought the phone to his ear. Ring one… '_ohshitohfuckohshitohfuck_' Ring two… '_What was I going to say? No, that sounds fucking dumb. He doesn't want that._' Ring thr-

-He had to hang up. His heart was pounding in his ears and for a moment he'd forgotten to breathe and when this hit him, he internally growled at himself. What in the actual fuck was his fucking problem?! Steve meant the world to him, right? He was willing to do anything for him so why wasn't he doing this? It was what Steve wanted more than anything he'd said. To have Tony show some kind of emotion. What was the worst that could happen? Steve say that no, he didn't want to be a couple anymore no matter what? Fine. No biggie. Tony had been rejected once before. (ONCE, mind you, and by Pepper because she had gotten tired of Tony's antics and couldn't play babysitter and girlfriend but that was a whole different sob story.) It wasn't like Steve would go on blabbing anyway. He had too much pride to let things go. This was the man who had turned bright red and huffed just because Tony had told Bruce he kissed him. He wasn't going to say a word. Steve had given him so much and put up with him for so long. So the least Tony could do for the man was try.

Letting out a deep breath, he dialed the number to Steve's line once more and tried to remember some of Bruce's lame breathing techniques to keep from hanging up again. "_…What? Tony, I don't get it. Why do I need to say my name? Well of course they know it's Steve Rogers' number! Why do I need to say my name-?" _A small smile crept over the former playboy's lips at the recording before it sunk in. It was a recording. He didn't know if he was relieved of disappointed…

When the beep prompted him to leave his message he almost missed it before he sat up on the bed, almost tripping over his words. "Ah, I got your voicemail. Okay then. Can you call me? I'm at this hotel… There's uh, something that's weighing heavy on my heart and uh… heavy on my chest… So I guess if you aren't still that mad, just please call me. I'm… I'm sorry." He slid his finger across the end call button, eyes downcast as he looked at the device in his hands. Maybe if Steve didn't forgive him it would be for the better. Steve deserved someone so much more amazing and perfect than Tony.

…

He wasn't sure when he'd fallen asleep but it must have been a while ago because his muscles were stiff. Brown eyes flickered open slightly, muttering incoherent swears at whatever ringing was currently making him stir out of his slumber. Mind still groggy, he managed to find the phone at the foot of the bed somewhere and answered it seconds before it gave its last ring. "What." He muttered as sleep still peppered his voice. "This had better be really fucking important, Potts. You know I don-"

"Stark?" The voice made Tony shut up in seconds, suddenly wide awake.

"Oh, Steve, hey. Sorry I was uh, passed out over here." There was a pause and Tony cursed to himself at the slip up. "Not passed out like that. I just meant I fell asleep. Honest, I haven't had a drop all fucking night. Okay, not true. I had a scotch with lunch but I haven't been getting shit-faced or anything. I meant it more in the sense that I was tired. I swear I haven-"

"Stark, I get it. It's alright. You called? You made it seem kind of important…"

Right, yeah, he had called. Sitting up more in bed Tony ran a hand through his hair again, taking in another deep breath. When he spoke next, he needed his voice to be calm and even. "I uh, yeah I did. Thanks for calling me back, by the way. Means a lot."

He could hear a sigh on the other end and he'd be lying if the sound didn't scare him a little… "It's no problem. Just tell me what you wanted so I can head to bed myself."

"Right. Sorry again, babbling. I know it's annoying and-… I'm getting off topic again." There was another quiet breath and Tony could tell Steve was resisting the urge to snap at him. He did that sigh thing a lot when Hawkeye was getting on his nerves or Tony was being extra annoying. "I'm uh… I'm not good with this kind of thing if it wasn't obvious and I know it's even worse apologizing and begging for forgiveness over the phone when I should be doing it in person and-"

"Please tell me that's not why I'm awake right now. I'd really rather not listen to you beg. I'm tired and would like to be asleep."

Tony flinched slightly and shook his head before voicing a quiet 'no' and going on. "Uh, no not exactly. I mean I am apologizing but I'm not going to beg. I will if it comes to that but not over the phone. Point point. Right, the point. Okay." He let out another deep breath and god bless Steve Rogers and his patience. "I know annoy you and it's hard enough to make it through a world that's already a mess to you." And here it was. He was just going to tell Steve exactly how he was feeling and not hold anything back. "But I want you to want me like the first time you saw me. I know we're more than ten years apart, but in my head I'm still young and dumb. It is so hard to voice all this and I wish you could understand but I don't want to let go and replace you. Steve, I'll always love you. You were the person that made me think "_This is the one_". I'm trying really hard, Steve, I swear I am. I just… Emotions weren't something I was ever allowed to 'have' and then you come along and you make me feel all these things and I don't know how to express them and it's driving you away. Well, did drive you away and this is the hardest thing, the hardest thing I've had to do."

There was a quiet moment for a while, and Tony had been about to ask if he was still there before Steve finally spoke. "Tony, I'm sorry." Tony's turn to be speechless. What the hell was Steve sorry for? He hadn't done anything. When he seemed to remember how to talk, Steve went on. "God Tony, I'm so sorry."

"Steve, please don't... say that. Please don't."

"But Ton-"

"No. Just shut up with the 'sorry's, alright?" He lightly gripped his hair as a sad smile graced his lips. "You didn't do anything except give to me something I shouldn't have ever been given and I almost threw it all away because of some stupid thing my father drove into my head." He let out a quiet, humorless laugh. "Dead for years and still manages to make my life a living hell. Who'd a thunk." He could hear Steve on the other end go to say something else but he beat him to the punch. "Tell me, how do I keep you into me without faking smiles? What do I have to try when everything is to lose? 'Cause it always is just me and you and for you I'm willing to do anything**."**

This time around Steve chuckled and the sound managed to set Tony's entire body at ease. "You know Stark, for a genius you sure are slow."

"Oh god, Rogers. You did not just say-"

"I'll always be, ah, what was it? "into you"? You couldn't do anything to ever drive me away. Sure, I was annoyed with everything, but Tony, I love you. Yes, it bothers me that you don't show your love emotionally or tell me how you feel, but I realized today I don't need to know. Just being with you makes me happy, Tony. Happier than I've felt in a long time and even if you don't feel the same or show it or whatever, it's enough for me to just get to wake up every morning and see you beside me. To know that by the end of the day the man I get to come home to is you. That's all that matters to me and I'm so sorry I put you through this."

Tony was supposed to say something now. Say either 'thanks' or 'no that's not enough' or anything really! But he was just… he didn't know what to say. For once in his life, Tony Stark was literally speechless. Steve had just told him how important he was without even using the word. He'd made Tony feel like the most important person in the world and he hadn't even DONE anything. "Tony, are you crying?"

At the question he let out a rather choked breath that he tried to turn into a chuckle. "No." He said bluntly reaching up and rubbing his eyes.

"Yes you are." He could practically hear the smile in Steve's voice. "You are crying." His voice was softer now, but the smile there could still be detected. It wasn't mocking or teasing, it was just… happy and concerned. He'd made his lover cry so he felt bad of course, but at the same time, Tony was crying for him! He was showing the man a weakness he blocked from every living soul. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"No no. I just uh, got something in my eye or something…"

There was another soft chuckle from the other line. "You just gave yourself away, dork."

Tony laughed as well, smiling as he watched a few tears slide off his face and fall on the blankets below. "Fine, you got me." Another satisfied chuckle from Steve, HIS Steve, and for a moment they just sat there on the phone, not saying anything. Nothing needed to be said right then. "So are we… Are we gonna be okay?"

There wasn't even a pause before the Captain responded. "All in good time we'll be just fine. No matter what, we're going to be happy."

That was answer enough for Tony. He didn't need an instant yes so long as Steve was willing to give him a second shot. "I love you." He said quietly.

The smile was back in Steve's voice as he spoke and Tony could just picture the man's blue eyes shining down at him. "I love you too, Tony. Never forget that, deal?"

"Deal." Tony repeated with a smile.

"Good. Now hurry up and get home so I can hold you and finally get some sleep." He could hear the sound of blankets being pulled down and he nodded, standing to grab the few things he had in the room which was hardly anything considering he didn't even plan on going to a hotel. He paused to step into the bathroom and wash his face when Steve stopped him. "And don't clean up. I want to see your eyes."

"Why? Creep." Tony's tone was teasing and light as he left the room-key on the bed and made his way downstairs to the parking garage.

He imagined Steve rolling those beautiful blue orbs of his before he spoke. "Because I want to kiss away the stains those tears left on your face." Wow, if only Steve could see him now. He was smiling, despite everything, but he suddenly felt his face heat up...

"God, you are a creep."

"Whatever, just get home soon."

"Sir, yes sir." With that he hung up, sliding into the Porsche and driving off to the shimmering tower baring the Avengers 'A' where as soon as he walked into the room, he was back into Steve's protective arms and where he stayed well into the night.

…

**A/N:** This fic was based off the P!nk song with the same name. I heard it once and just completely thought of Tony's thoughts after a fight with Steve! This isn't one of my best works, but it was fun to write! Expect more Stony soon~!


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